Note to our readers: Rocket and Skylark are actually reviewing the Polish version of Snow White and Russian Red by Dorota Maslowska, so there may be some quirks in their review that may not correspond to the English version of the aformentioned book. – Vas
Rocket: What the hell did I just read?
Skylark: An absolutely masterful piece of modern literature entitled Polish-Russian War under a White and Red Banner by the lovely and talented, Dorota Maslowska.
She wrote this serendipitous work of art at the tender age of 19 in a single month in between classes.
Rocket: And, it shows! This book makes no sense whatsoever and the title sucks. I mean really, Polish-Russian War under a White and Red Banner? That sounds like one of those lame-ass Komuchy school primers people had to read in the olden days.
Skylark: Olden days? Uff! Never mind. You underestimate the pervasive sense of irony and hopelessness that Maslowska conveys from beginning to end. She paints a bleakly accurate picture of our country’s disenfranchised youth in working class communities — much like our former home in Nowa Huta.
Rocket: Did you notice that Vas wrote “Huta Nowa” instead of “Nowa Huta” in the last comic? What a retard!
Skylark: I’m sure that had less to do with being mentally challenged and more with an honest editorial mistake.
Rocket: Dude! At least that Dorota chick spelled the name of our town right. She’s like from here, so she knows town names. Vas shouldn’t be writing comic books about Poland when she’s never been here.
Skylark: Using that logic, you shouldn’t be eating Mc Donald’s American burgers and getting fat off them because you have never been to the United States of America.
Rocket: You are a bastard!
Skylark: Second-generation. Possibly the spawn of a Japanese diplomat. A big, “so what?” pops out of my mouth.
Rocket: This book has the worst grammar ever. I can write a book with punctuation and sentences that actually make sense to someone other than some guy snorting more amfa than Wit on a binge when he has too much money.
Skylark: That style of writing is called “stream of consciousness.” The feeling you got from the book, actually is the exact drug-induced lunacy that Masloska is trying to convey. I also would add that from an auditory perspective, this book had quite the captivating candence, much like beat poetry. A nihilistic joyride into the world of our paranoid world of our protagonist, Nails. Visions of red and white colors invoke sense of fatalism, as well as righteously xenophobic nationalism that is at once patriotic and blasphemous. This is what Poland has become in the eyes of the young generation, and it is truly terrifying.
Rocket: Terrifying my left ovary! This book is nothing but a bunch of bad trips from too much speed, dogs dying from not taking a dump often enough and graphic descriptions of people vomiting. I mean, in one single book, people vomited white stuff, blood, coals, rocks and other stuff. I admit that the projectile vomiting scene with the one anorexic Satanist chick at that one apartment was pretty damn funny, but that’s only because I’ve seen Wit barf like that from doing too much speed.
Skylark: You vomit like that when you drink too much.
Rocket: Yeah, I know. That’s why I have this haircut. I got sick of asking people to hold my hair whenever I felt queasy. At least I don’t do drugs. Booze is good enough for me.
Skylark: Then people ask me why I quit drinking and doing drugs.
Rocket: Most of them. There’s tobacco and…
Skylark: Don’t start that. You know I only do that for medicinal purpose.
Rocket: That’s what they all say.
Skylark: I have AIDS and I can’t afford prescriptions. I need to eat, otherwise I lose weight.
Rocket: I wish I had your problem.
Skylark: That’s horribly insensitive.
Rocket: Anyway, was it just me, or was that Nails dude a little bit too obsessed with Ptasie Mleczko, and his ex-girlfriend.
Skylark: Well Magda represented a sense of stability for him, and being dumped by her pushed him over the edge of the precipice he was leaning over.
Rocket: Ptasie Mleczko are totally nasty. Wisnie on the other hand, are the bomb. They’re even kind of healthy because if you eat a whole box of them you’ll get your serving of fruits for the day.
Skylark: I would hardly call chocolate-covered cherries drowned in liquor, a health food.
Rocket: They’re healthier than plain liquor.
Skylark: Point. But I digress, I think what you are missing about Polish-Russian War under a White and Red Banner is the fact, that it is such a brilliantly captured slice of life, served upon a plateful of honesty pie and…
Rocket: Enough of this tarradiddle.
Skylark: Do you even know tarradiddle means? Because if you do, I find it offensive that you should say such a thing.
Rocket: You and I know very well that this book made no sense at all, and you’re just trying to look all smart because you don’t know how to read.
Skylark: I don’t need to read — that’s what you and audiobooks are for.
Rocket: I’m smarter than you because I know how to read and my opinion as a woman matters more than yours as a queer. Unlike Nails, when you look in the mirror you see all of the signs of faggotude and stupiditry.
Skylark: Stupidtry, eh? Well, on that droll note, we finish today’s review of Polish-Russian War under a White and Red Banner by Dorota Maslowska. Thank you for reading.
