Polska, Sucka!

Today’s review is for Lady Cottington’s Pressed Fairy Book by Brian Froud and Terry Jones. A special thanks goes out to Mark Masters for sending us a copy to review.

Rocket: For a kid’s book this thing sure has a lot of boobs.

Dmitri: Squeezy, mushed-up boobs.

Skylark: (Giggling stupidly through his nose until cackling bursts through.) How in the hell can you say that with a straight face?

Dmitri: (Mock-crying but actually laughing out loud.) Fairies died a hideous crunchy death to bring us… I can’t. Bear… Gods-dammit where are my meds?

Rocket: Well, at least they have that one section with the weird paper thingy that help protect the innocent from becoming perverted. It did protect your innocence, right Laisandra?

Laisandra: It did not, it merely taunted it and stomped it to a pulp of nothing. I see nothing humorous about a book glorifying the death of fairies.

Dmitri: You see nothing humorous about anything.

Laisandra: So what if I don’t. Fairies are beautiful creatures of fantasy. Delicate and precious, like angels of G-d. But, this Lady Cottington just crushes them like the dreams of a thousand starving children living in the rotting corpse of what used to be a third world country. This book glorifies death, and the destruction of beauty. It is the face of humanity. That wicked disease, humanity is a festering boil upon the universe. Life is worthless. It makes me want to die.

Rocket: (Comforting) Honey, it’s just a funny book with disturbingly pretty watercolor paintings of crushed fairies and a cool fake journal by this one lady that doesn’t even exist. The older version of her is played by Terry Jones on the DVD that comes with the book.

Dmitri: (Laughing Maniacally) Terry Jones in drag is hilarious.

Skylark: (Flippant) In other words, it’s comedic fiction. Don’t take it too seriously, you teenage drama queen.

Rocket: Has anybody ever told you that you’re an asshole?

Skylark: Repeatedly.

Dmitri: (Laughing Obnoxiously) Have some vodka, you can be an asshole too.

Rocket: Dude, you drink way too much.

Skylark: Rocket, you drink bootleg Everclear straight until you puke blood.

Rocket: Yeah, but I’m not an obnoxious alcoholic like he is.

Dmitri: No, I’m just a friendly, horny alcoholic. (Gropes Rocket’s breast.)

Rocket: (Gives Dmitri a sharp left-hook.) That’s for my pressed-Russian collection. (He drops down cold.)

Laisandra: (Deadpan) Now that was funny.

Skylark: Um… whatever. I highly recommend Lady Cottington’s Pressed Fairy Book. It’s not really a kid’s book, but it’s highly enjoyable gallows humor with extremely adept artwork. This is Skylark signing off. Thank you for reading.