Posts Tagged ‘literate illiterate’
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Rocket: Wow, the The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales was hard to read aloud.
Skylark: It was hard to listen to! OY! What crack were these people smoking? The illustrations were interesting in a hideous graphic-design-student-obsessed-with-Mirrormask-taking-way-too-many-hits-of-bad-acid-while-listening-to-Technohead sort of way. I think I needed to be high to enjoy this crap. Hmmm… speaking of getting high, do you have some junk? I’m in so much pain. I hate these idiotic opportunistic infections.
Rocket: No for junk you! Junk is how you got AIDS to begin with! Only medicinal herbs for you, because needles are drugs, and drugs are for losers.
Skylark: I did not get AIDS from shooting up junk, and for your information marijuana IS a drug.
Rocket: Whatever! You’re so off-topic. Let’s get back to the review.
Skylark: (Rolls eyes.) Okay.
Rocket: The drawings are fun. They’re pretty original and different in a freaky way. I totally dig interesting art.
Skylark: Rasputin Catamite is kind of like that, but I don’t hear you heaping on praise.
Rocket: Dude, that comic is just fucking gross. It’s too obsessed with asses and smuttery. Whatever that means. Is “smuttery” even a word? The Stinky Cheese Man is a kid’s book.
Skylark: I think you need a doctorate in child psychology to comprehend this stinky book.
Rocket: Maybe you just need to be a child. This book is for kids and not for little lit snobs like you.
Skylark: I hated it, and so will anyone with taste.
Rocket: I’m not so sure about that, but I think warped children will totally dig it. If you are not a child, be sure to get intoxicated or something before reading. It’s too weird when you are sober.
Skylark: Kind of like me. Sober people hate me.
Rocket: Totally! (Rocket bounces.) Hey that gives me an idea! Instead of you doing dangerous hard drugs, let’s drink Everclear until we vomit blood. That’ll be fun.
Skylark: Um… yeah. Thank you for reading.
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Today’s review is for Lady Cottington’s Pressed Fairy Book by Brian Froud and Terry Jones. A special thanks goes out to Mark Masters for sending us a copy to review.
Rocket: For a kid’s book this thing sure has a lot of boobs.
Dmitri: Squeezy, mushed-up boobs.
Skylark: (Giggling stupidly through his nose until cackling bursts through.) How in the hell can you say that with a straight face?
Dmitri: (Mock-crying but actually laughing out loud.) Fairies died a hideous crunchy death to bring us… I can’t. Bear… Gods-dammit where are my meds?
Rocket: Well, at least they have that one section with the weird paper thingy that help protect the innocent from becoming perverted. It did protect your innocence, right Laisandra?
Laisandra: It did not, it merely taunted it and stomped it to a pulp of nothing. I see nothing humorous about a book glorifying the death of fairies.
Dmitri: You see nothing humorous about anything.
Laisandra: So what if I don’t. Fairies are beautiful creatures of fantasy. Delicate and precious, like angels of G-d. But, this Lady Cottington just crushes them like the dreams of a thousand starving children living in the rotting corpse of what used to be a third world country. This book glorifies death, and the destruction of beauty. It is the face of humanity. That wicked disease, humanity is a festering boil upon the universe. Life is worthless. It makes me want to die.
Rocket: (Comforting) Honey, it’s just a funny book with disturbingly pretty watercolor paintings of crushed fairies and a cool fake journal by this one lady that doesn’t even exist. The older version of her is played by Terry Jones on the DVD that comes with the book.
Dmitri: (Laughing Maniacally) Terry Jones in drag is hilarious.
Skylark: (Flippant) In other words, it’s comedic fiction. Don’t take it too seriously, you teenage drama queen.
Rocket: Has anybody ever told you that you’re an asshole?
Skylark: Repeatedly.
Dmitri: (Laughing Obnoxiously) Have some vodka, you can be an asshole too.
Rocket: Dude, you drink way too much.
Skylark: Rocket, you drink bootleg Everclear straight until you puke blood.
Rocket: Yeah, but I’m not an obnoxious alcoholic like he is.
Dmitri: No, I’m just a friendly, horny alcoholic. (Gropes Rocket’s breast.)
Rocket: (Gives Dmitri a sharp left-hook.) That’s for my pressed-Russian collection. (He drops down cold.)
Laisandra: (Deadpan) Now that was funny.
Skylark: Um… whatever. I highly recommend Lady Cottington’s Pressed Fairy Book. It’s not really a kid’s book, but it’s highly enjoyable gallows humor with extremely adept artwork. This is Skylark signing off. Thank you for reading.
Polska, Sucka!’s completely irreverent book and thing reviews are back, after a 2-year disappearance. All reviews are done by the characters of the Suckaverse and are completely tasteless. Be sure to click on the Literate Illiterate tag to check them out.